Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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