you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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