tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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