Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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