i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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