i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
