checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
