dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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