Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
