true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
