seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
