Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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