If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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