you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
