Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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