i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
