I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
