I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize