I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
