I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize