It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
