she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
