i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
