Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize