He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
