Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
