I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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