why didn't you poke me back
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
