Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
