So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
