i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
