all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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