So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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