We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
