On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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