after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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