I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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