I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
