im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He felt like a one man threesome
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
