We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
