Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
