Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
