you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
