I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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