I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
