The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't you send me to vm
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You smell like stripper and shame
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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