you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
