I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
