You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
