I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize