I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
