The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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