if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
