I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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