I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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