My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize