just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
