listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
