Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
