Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i think i just lost a toe
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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