um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
