Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
