Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
