i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
