I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
