You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
whose parrot is this?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
