fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
