Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
